PRETENDERS

Pretenders II

[Sire SRK3572]

Talk about your existential binds! Due to circumstances beyond my control, I missed the Pretenders when they were recently in town. I knew the new album, Pretenders II, was due anyday in the mail, and I had promised a review. It would have to be done without a taste of how it works live.

However, I was not without news of the show. After the Friday night set, I had an unexpected visitor. El Nuevo Wave, basking in the glory of finally finishing an assignment, was painting the town red. He was in the company of a mysterious, tightlipped lady he introduced as Inez.

The Wave was in rare form. “They were terrible! Pure unadulterated crapola! They should be lined up against a wall and shot,” he yelled, gulping those organic pumpkin seeds he’s addicted to. I think that his all-natural diet has dulled his intellectual faculties. “What do people see in them? I mean, Chrissie Hynde didn’t even wiggle her hips, and sounded about as sexy as boiled fish.” Inez threw him a cold look.

El went prattling on, spilling yeast dust on the carpet and trying to get me to repent of my life’s quest for the perfect pepperoni pizza. “I just don’t understand why this fuss over the Pretenders,” he said upon leaving. “They were borderline noise, repetitive, non-interesting noise at that.” He left as silently as he came, in search of an all-night organic convenience store where he could pick up a can of all-natural whipped topping. Inez was all smiles.

Then, the Monday after the Pretenders gig, a review appeared in the Constitution that made me again suspect the effect of the healthy life of The Wave.

The article, comparing La Hynde with Dylan and Keith Richards, said, and I quote, “We have seen the future of rock ‘n’ roll. And it’s a woman.” Give me a break! That “future of rock ‘n’ roll” line was first used by Jon Landau to describe Springsteen eight years ago. I hope he’s collecting royalties on it.

The record came that afternoon. Who was right? The South’s Standard or The South’s Wave? After some heavy listening, I find myself more inclined to go with The Wave.

The Pretenders’ debut was a favorite of last year. The E.P., Extended Play, released last spring, has been a regular selection on my turntable. After showing great promise, the group has come out with, well, a poor album; one which made me wonder what the hype was about. Not a single song really stands out . Wait – let me rephrase that. There are two - “Talk of the Town” and “Message of Love”- but they were on Extended Play. Here, Hynde’s vocals are undistinguished, relying more on the purr instead of the power of her alto. The band is tight, but plays music that fades quickly from the memory.

Pretenders II shows all the signs of the dread second album syndrome. A band usually works for years collecting its best material, which goes on the first album. The second one is usually written on the road, in buses and motel rooms. The main lyrical thrust of Pretenders II highlights this syndrome. The songs all seem to be about life on the road and its effects. If this had been their debut album, the Constitution would still be looking for the future of rock ‘n’ roll; with dreck like this behind them, the Pretenders wouldn’t have gotten the chance to do any touring in the first place.

Save your money. If you don’t own the Pretenders’ first album or Extended Play, get them. And hope that they can get it together for number three. As for me, well, The Wave just called. He’s found a place that makes an organic pepperoni pizza that will knock my eyes out.

-Allen Rabinowitz